Looking in the mirror and seeing no one

I look in the mirror and i see an empty stare, glare from the protruding sun light that is flickering on my face from the trees out side, i look deep into my eyes and see someone who i cannot recognise, i put trust in my self to know who i am but that fails, it fails to let me know, it fails to let me see.

I sit on the edge of my bed trying to see that i am staring at my face but when i stare a little harder my face vanishes from sight, i pinch my face but feel no pain, i scream the loudest i can shout but hear no voice, i wonder if I'm even here? do i exist? i have no answer to my question, my fear of being taken away from life has risen to the fullest a fear of not living,

i walk to the window and see people walking past with the summer breeze blowing there hair, they feel the reality that blows by, the reality that the earth is in control, carrying us through this evolution of progress, i take a step back and see my self as a reflection on the pain of glass a silhouette that is slightly fuzzy, i run my hand down the glass to the shape of my face, a touch that i cannot feel, but can only see.

A thought of not wanting to be alive is amongst me as i cannot break the chains that hold me back, that keep me down, an explosion on rage, like an animal in a cage going from wall to wall, corner to corner, i turn around and fall to my knees begging for freedom from this hell that i live the hell that separates me from life, the hell that separates me from me.

I look high and low for willpower, but frustration is getting the better of me, a change of mind a change of plan, functionality that has turned to dysfunctional, a nightmare that i will never wake from. pain that i carry, dragging it around like a ball and chain, unable to snap out of it, in desperation i seek for help, a permanent fix that will get me to live.