Fear on the inside

Fear i fear of the fear inside, inside a fake reality that was never there, coping with what i have manifested, what i have created, i am my own creator, a fake world of memories and images that fly past like concord once did, a perfect reliable thing that never failed, but in the end it crashed, exploded into a huge problem that left scars that will never heal, i try to figure out what was once happy, happy thoughts of good memories that turned into a world of pain, loved ones turned into fear, fear that i would loose them, me missing the point of life that i supposed to never take it for granted, make the most of it while i'm here, i saw my self crying in a world of pain that i was stuck in, with out care that life was in front of me all along, i feared everything that was natural, like it was a threat.

The inside of me was trying to come out to live in reality, trying to live, trying to survive, a shadow of my reality lingered in front of me trying to talk back, i reached for his had but was unable to grasp.
A crying state of manic me being the cause of it, trying to stay in a state of positive worlds, unable to find the goal, the aim, missing the point like missing a loved one that had passed.

Now i look for the answers on the web, but it was all the same, people writing the same as me, shouting out for help, but the world we live in hasn't progressed in the help that should be to offer.
I fear the medicine i take as i know the synthetic based chemicals are changing my state of mind, I fear the big man in his chair presuming my symptoms, me just walking away with another box of meds, me the guniepig of reality of science me the test subject, the trial and error man. mostly its the error i fear as the error of ones actions have ruined my life, taken over like a rain cloud.

I fear the fear that i feel, fear the days end, fear a new day. Fear has taken over my life, with out my control it has taken over me.

The End