3 Days of Anxiety

The day before the Adrenaline! a fuzzy feeling from head to toe, this has been here before? last week maybe, avoiding stress is like avoiding air! sitting in my room watching NetFlix but i find my self focusing on a part of the TV screen while the film plays in the background.
i notice a lot of fuss going on inside playing up shouting like a spoil'ed child in a toy store, trying to get his own way.
trying distractions but its just a motive that I'm trying to work on, to make sense to get me out the mess that is about to unravel. a cold shiver is starting to settle in all over my body, i turn to the heater and face it towards me but it's only warming the outside.
6pm starting to pace around my room with out me even realising I'm doing. my stomach starts to churn with butterfly's that are picking up speed as it spirals, i run to my medication, i hate taking these, starting to understand that its addiction, help has shrunk from them no relief, agitation is building up some and I'm about to loose it.

i fall over because I'm not concentrating on normal body function, stuck inside my mind.
Trying to get relaxed but the more i try the more adrenaline is taking over, shaking through my hands finding it hard to swallow, i reach for a cigarette even though i just put one out, i take more tablets trying to get them to knock me out but my anxiety is over powering them.
Trying to cry but its not coming out, my lump in my throat is getting bigger, time to try and sleep.

Day -2
I wake up in panic, shaking even worse than yesterday, thinking to my self this shall pass, but then i think it will last, beating my self up inside, hate against my self but i shouldn't.
no food today, i will just stick with water, antacids i get back in bed, thinking how much i hate my self and what my self is doing to Me! the TV is playing in the background while the quilt is over my whole body hiding from the world, ticking from my clock is relief as i know every tick is closer to this passing.
my partner trys to comfort me but i push her away, i fear i am not good enough for her.
i need a way out of this NOW!
Time is getting late, 9.50 pm. My day has consisted of nothing again, apart from aggro from my body
putting me through crap, or is it me putting me through crap? maybe my brain is just broke. Time to get some sleep, Boy I'm hungry, i reach for the box of antacids again, acid is burning me inside

Day-3
Waking up with a feeling of rage! its still here! getting my box of tablets taking an extra dosage.
my head is hurting like i am dehydrated, body is in pain and my chest hurts.
i talk to my heart and apologise to it, it feels like its going to give out.
My eyes are throbbing, my hands are sweating a cold chill, i get up while shaking, walking to the bathroom, i turn on the shower, my 2 kids and partner are fast a sleep, even my 2 dogs are looking relaxed, the feeling of joy that they all don't go through what I'm dealing with inside gives me a sense of relief. i take my time in the shower while holding my head, the steam opening my lungs.
i ponder on how much i feel like crap inside and out.
A voice i can hear inside that is telling me to give up, is that me saying that?
i get out the shower and dry my self, fresh clothes and fresh socks, i sit on the edge of the bed while lighting up another smoke, turn on my ps4 just looking at the screen, i see all the people i know on there playing games and doing live streams, i get invites but i ignore them. i lie back down and try to cry, my adrenaline is driving me crazy.
waiting for the hours to fly by but the only thing that is flying by is the bumblebees outside of my window. I look in the mirror and see all the weight that is coming off of me, my energy levels are making me sleepy, i need food but i can't eat, lets go back to sleep, sleep forever is all i have in mind at the time of chronic Anxiety.