A Day With My Mind,

Today is a good day, i watched the sun rise while the due from the valleys rolled by, birds sang there songs that echoed off the walls, i pondered why my mind is the way it is, why do i think these thoughts; wondering why and where they come from, sitting on the waters edge noticing how flat the water was,it reminded me of a giant mirror just waiting to be broke, i picket up a pebble and felt its texture and thought this pebble is pretty rough, kinda like me on the outside, rough face rough skin but on the inside it was contained, contained and its contents was sealed, why is my mind like that? i threw the pebble in to the unbroken water. a splash that made a sound that was quite similar to the destruction that explodes inside, ripples stretched as far as the waters edge, but they came right back? and they met with the splash that i caused and bounced back, i thought is it me that is causing me to be like this? comparing me with the pebble i threw in, the actions that followed and the calm that ended it, The sun is getting pretty high above the mountain i could feel the heat, i felt parts of my body starting to warm up, the comfort from that was calming, i went quiet inside, i felt like i had been missing the point of my illness and yes it came clear, while i stretched my arms out to release the tension of my thoughts, I felt relief, but why does it only last so long why does this good feeling have to end.

i got up trying to force my stiff legs and numb bum to walk with me to carry me along my journey that i just started, looking back where i left off, 

should i be scared should i feel fear? well that is something i have to go with, believe in my self and have faith in this whole amazement that we are surrounded in.

I stopped walking for a second, a tear rolled down my cheek and hit the floor, it quickly absorbed into the earth that i walk on, i took a deep breath and held it in, my lungs hurt and my heart slowed but thumped along with my tears that was falling to my feet. 

I felt a feeling that i never felt before, along side the anxiety and the manic world of my mind, it was there but i couldn't hold on to it, i started walking further i walked a little more, who am i? am i a guy that is crazy loosing his mind, loosing in life.

Feeling like an out cast feeling the odd one out. 

all is well on the outside but the pain is with in, the pain is deep and is boiling over like you would see a volcano loose its top, after years of containment it blows and the destruction is clear for every one to see, do we try and stop it? No! we let it be and with out a fight it slowly calms it slowly ends. 

My eyes look on to a tree i see out in the distance, all alone with out another friend as a tree, well this is me, i try hold on to a friend i need but to much, i rely on a friend to see, to see the pain that doesn't let me be, The thoughts inside are loud but no one else can here no one else can see. 

so please god as i put my hands together begging for you to just see, see that i need help that will allow this manic to just leave me be.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOS8lRQcedkSwzuGwk26X5Q