This just about sums up depression

Depressed.

I feel so down and ever so low, maybe one day my mind will show, show the destruction that is with in, some one save me, my mind is broke my mind is hell, owe why can't it shut up, please be quiet is all i ask, instead it runs a mock like a bull in a shop, when will it end? when will it stop? am i really loosing the plot? you see me smile but only for you, the tears that flood are deep with in, it burns my chest and burns my throat, a feeling trapped that's deep inside.

Feelings so close that sit with in, an feeling of doubt that i cannot win, please mind please work with me, but only against me is why i never win, i shout and scream and shout so loud, get out of my head but it never hears what i have said, a mind with no ears call me a mute, a man with no voice is what i think, a man who doesn't feel like a man, a  man that is impowered by depression, mental illness, i doubt in my self and a doubt in my future, i pray them my self can heal, be free from this cloud over my head, i'm so upset from the words that i have said.

Anxiety is back again

Just as i thought i was getting my life back on track "stupid ANXIETY" strikes back once again, i have had a busy two days and haven't really sat down, i have been taking lessons to get my bike license and today i passed, jumping up relief? NO! yesterday my bike decided to brake on me, gearbox problems "a small washer" and i said that sarcastically as that all it was, but anyway, i have been flat out all day yesterday to try get it fixed, but i ran out of time, i ended up working on it until 3.30 in the morning and i had to be up at 6.45am to head to the test centre, i had to drag my self out of bed, anyways i got there withe the biggest head ache in history, i sat in the waiting room, the room was filled with sunlight and i had summer clothes on, the instructor came and got me and talked over what he was going to do today and while i had my head ache, dropping in and out of concentration, the sun decided to take a small holiday, and the cloud/ heavy rain came, well there was me getting rather wet at this point, as we set out on the road it was horribly cold and wet, i was shaking like i don't know what, with an angry face inside my helmet, i just wanted to go home, 5 hours in total, i could feel the anxiety starting from the moment i woke up, i didn't think that it would affect me, i basically panicked from the moment i woke up.

I thought as i had a nice 3-4 weeks away from my "best friend" Anxiety that i was getting better, But again i was wrong, it has kicked my up the back side and now I'm on the floor.
I wish i could beat this, i wish so so much that my metal illness would go away and never come back.
Every time i try and work to a new goal Anxiety comes and robs me of it and it keeps me sitting in the corner,

The grounding technique isn't working as i have grounded that much i think i am apart of the bloody ground, tips are no longer working and it feels like my body is shot! my Anxiety medication to be honest i think is false hope, a synthetic nothing,
i know that its me that can only truly help but even that isn't working, i so really want my life back.
I wonder if EBay sell a "new life"? i just want me back! the old me, the out going hard working me.

thanks for reading my days of hope that turns into full blown body manic, i just needed some one to talk to.

Looking in the mirror and seeing no one

I look in the mirror and i see an empty stare, glare from the protruding sun light that is flickering on my face from the trees out side, i look deep into my eyes and see someone who i cannot recognise, i put trust in my self to know who i am but that fails, it fails to let me know, it fails to let me see.

I sit on the edge of my bed trying to see that i am staring at my face but when i stare a little harder my face vanishes from sight, i pinch my face but feel no pain, i scream the loudest i can shout but hear no voice, i wonder if I'm even here? do i exist? i have no answer to my question, my fear of being taken away from life has risen to the fullest a fear of not living,

i walk to the window and see people walking past with the summer breeze blowing there hair, they feel the reality that blows by, the reality that the earth is in control, carrying us through this evolution of progress, i take a step back and see my self as a reflection on the pain of glass a silhouette that is slightly fuzzy, i run my hand down the glass to the shape of my face, a touch that i cannot feel, but can only see.

A thought of not wanting to be alive is amongst me as i cannot break the chains that hold me back, that keep me down, an explosion on rage, like an animal in a cage going from wall to wall, corner to corner, i turn around and fall to my knees begging for freedom from this hell that i live the hell that separates me from life, the hell that separates me from me.

I look high and low for willpower, but frustration is getting the better of me, a change of mind a change of plan, functionality that has turned to dysfunctional, a nightmare that i will never wake from. pain that i carry, dragging it around like a ball and chain, unable to snap out of it, in desperation i seek for help, a permanent fix that will get me to live.

Fear on the inside

Fear i fear of the fear inside, inside a fake reality that was never there, coping with what i have manifested, what i have created, i am my own creator, a fake world of memories and images that fly past like concord once did, a perfect reliable thing that never failed, but in the end it crashed, exploded into a huge problem that left scars that will never heal, i try to figure out what was once happy, happy thoughts of good memories that turned into a world of pain, loved ones turned into fear, fear that i would loose them, me missing the point of life that i supposed to never take it for granted, make the most of it while i'm here, i saw my self crying in a world of pain that i was stuck in, with out care that life was in front of me all along, i feared everything that was natural, like it was a threat.

The inside of me was trying to come out to live in reality, trying to live, trying to survive, a shadow of my reality lingered in front of me trying to talk back, i reached for his had but was unable to grasp.
A crying state of manic me being the cause of it, trying to stay in a state of positive worlds, unable to find the goal, the aim, missing the point like missing a loved one that had passed.

Now i look for the answers on the web, but it was all the same, people writing the same as me, shouting out for help, but the world we live in hasn't progressed in the help that should be to offer.
I fear the medicine i take as i know the synthetic based chemicals are changing my state of mind, I fear the big man in his chair presuming my symptoms, me just walking away with another box of meds, me the guniepig of reality of science me the test subject, the trial and error man. mostly its the error i fear as the error of ones actions have ruined my life, taken over like a rain cloud.

I fear the fear that i feel, fear the days end, fear a new day. Fear has taken over my life, with out my control it has taken over me.

The End

Pregabalin Addiction 

The trust i put in my doctor is an understatement, my views of his way of keeping me in his best interests was great, meds after meds i felt like a pill popping machine, masked by synthetics feeling like i could take on the world, stand on the highest peak and shake the ground with my voice, my thoughts about the doctor became clear, medicine companies employ the doctors and he never had me in my best interests.

February 6th 2016

Pregabalin came to my hands "a wonder drug; or so i though, nothing but hell after the first two months, now i find my self living in a world of miss belief a fake world of imagination that is nothing but manic, a maniac is what he has made, now i find my self eating them like they are going out of fashion, a full strip over a 1000mg, they don't work but my body needs them so i feed its addiction, a feeling that i am trapped in this relic of mystery a place of euphoria, a wonder drug they say!?

I miss a dose and feel sick, my anxiety plagues me daily, because of Pregabalin, i hate my doctor i hate him with a passion. I want to be free of this drug free from the doctor. i listen to people praying this med like it is a life saver, a way out from the pain, its not and i laugh, calculate your dosage and the duration it will last "work, by the time you build up that intolerance it will be a dosage change, to a higher state of loopyness feeling bloated, sick and in more pain and anxiety than you started off with, my eyes burn, me hearing and eye sight has gone.

August 20th 2016,

My life is ruined, fully abusing these meds because i have got to that point where i have no control
over it, when my body needs them i have to keep taking them until the pain is gone, the messed up stomach and the feeling of huge rage, my life id ruined, i see my doctor and he tells the lies, the lies that they are helping me, this makes me even more angry.
my heart feels like its about to give up, my liver hurts to a point that you cannot even touch my skin,
i have no willpower to kick the habit, my life is over run with synthetics and i want my life back!

never trust a doctor, doctors have ruined my life, pregabalin has ruined my life!

The End

Symptoms of bipolar disorder 

Bipolar disorder is characterised by extreme mood swings. These can range from extreme highs (mania) to extreme lows (depression).

Episodes of mania and depression often last for several weeks or months.

Depression

• feeling sad, hopeless or irritable most of the time
• lacking energy
• difficulty concentrating and remembering things
• loss of interest in everyday activities
• feelings of emptiness or worthlessness
• feelings of guilt and despair
• feeling pessimistic about everything
• self-doubt
• being delusional, having hallucinations and disturbed or illogical thinking
• lack of appetite
• difficulty sleeping
• waking up early
• suicidal thoughts

Mania

The manic phase of bipolar disorder may include:

• feeling very happy, elated or overjoyed
• talking very quickly
• feeling full of energy
• feeling self-important
• feeling full of great new ideas and having important plans
• being easily distracted
• being easily irritated or agitated
• being delusional, having hallucinations and disturbed or illogical thinking
• not feeling like sleeping
• not eating
• doing things that often have disastrous consequences – such as spending large sums of money on expensive and sometimes unaffordable items
• making decisions or saying things that are out of character and that others see as being risky or harmful

Patterns of depression and mania

If you have bipolar disorder, you may have episodes of depression more regularly than episodes of mania, or vice versa.

Between episodes of depression and mania, you may sometimes have periods where you have a "normal" mood.

The patterns aren't always the same and some people may experience:

• rapid cycling – where a person with bipolar disorder repeatedly swings from a high to low phase quickly without having a "normal" period in between
• mixed state – where a person with bipolar disorder experiences symptoms of depression and mania together; for example, overactivity with a depressed mood

Living with bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder is a condition of extremes. A person with the condition may be unaware they're in the manic phase.

After the episode is over, they may be shocked at their behaviour. However, at the time, they may believe other people are being negative or unhelpful.

Some people with bipolar disorder have more frequent and severe episodes than others. The extreme nature of the condition means staying in a job may be difficult and relationships may become strained. There's also an increased risk of suicide.

During episodes of mania and depression, someone with bipolar disorder may experience strange sensations, such as seeing, hearing or smelling things that aren't there (hallucinations).

They may also believe things that seem irrational to other people (delusions). These types of symptoms are known as psychosis or a psychotic episode.

He's still there!

The little guy? I know he is there, kicking around in my mind, kicking rocks because i wont come and play. i can here him sobbing over and over calling my name out as he gets further into his own payback. Me on the out side is getting by, trying to live life, my self is trying not to give it away, the slight fragment of such ideas of the little guy knowing I'm still struggling is turning into fear, fear of him knowing I'm trying rather than doing. 

i wake up to get washed and dressed as quick as i can to occupy my self before he wakes, he try's to talk in a kind grammar, a manner that try's to woo me in, entice me to his ways. maybe he is getting lonely in there, all alone? Wait what am i thinking? maybe this is a game that he has put together for me to fall for? fall for his ways to get me to bow at his knees, maybe i have figured out his plan.

I carry on with my day with slight frustration of him being there, some where, i search the cupboards for something to eat, something to fill my stomach, i yawn out loud with a slight laugh, laughing at my self because? because maybe i am enjoying life. the bigger picture of me being involved is more clear, a warm feeling in my chest, i pray to God to keep my strength up, to keep my willpower to not fall to the little guy, i know God is on my side, while i fill a bowl up with cereal i look at each peace and i wonder, i wonder how many peaces that would be contained inside my mind, i laugh to my self?I don't think i have a big enough bowl, a calm feeling is floating by, i see it like it is my own that descended from my mind through my chest, an array of wonderfulness, my smile grows ever larger. 

After my breakfast i saw my self running, so i decided to follow my thought? my idea? i put my trainers on to go outside, i reach for the door lock and my heart races, fear is upon me but i continue anyway. the sun is just above the housed across the street a bright orange colour with the sight freshness of the due that still lingered in the air, the birds where already busy, busy with there day collecting worms to take back for there young.I smile and suck up the feeling of being alive, while my heat still beats fast, humble but on the edge of anxiety, fear from being taken away from live for so long,this is something that i have to get used to, something that i have to learn again.

I walk as far as my legs will take me, on my travels i see many faces, some smile, some frown and some just look away, i wonder what they are thinking,i wonder if they have a little guy? a little guy that is like mine, a nasty little man that plays games when ever he pleased? i pray they don't i pray that no one does, suffering is more than a word to me! 

I look around and wonder where i am, i walked so far that i have got lost, a new place that i have never seen, it kind of feels a bit like me, a new state of mind? fear of where i was was growing, my comfort zone getting squashed, the uneasy feeling of not being able to stay calm and focused is at breaking point, i need to find my way back, as i walk further from where i stopped i stop again and take a look back, i compare it to where i landed in my mind, my state of manic " the little guy, i turn back round and walk but with a feeling of security that i can do this on my own, a happy cry that wants to break out of me to tell the world. 

I find my street and see my house. my legs trying to carry me, shaking and tired. i see my door, with my house number, but I'm scared to enter, the memories of what was, illness of a manic mind, the four walls i lived in for so long. i run to the front door with my fists clenched, i beat my palms on the window with a tear rolling down my cheek, the memories will haunt me forever.

The End 

Rejection, a comparison 

You were rejected today by someone you had hoped would become a friend, and that has hurt you. Some people would become entirely defensive in such a situation and think nothing more than, "What a B*tch!", but I’m glad to see that you are more thoughtful than that. Sure, you’re upset, but you are also trying to take a lesson from what has occurred, and to understand it from perspectives that are broader than your own. That is a sign of growing maturity, I think, and something to be proud of.

This is the third time that someone you care about (or would like to care about) has rejected you. You’ve noted that there are characteristics in common that these people who have rejected you share. You write that they are all "Type A" people, which is another way of saying that they are hard-driving, ambitious and sometimes hostile, impatient people. You also note that "Sam" accused you of trying to use her as a crutch, and it seems that this is also a pattern. You are not being rejected because you are ugly, or like the wrong music. You are being rejected (you think) because you are coming across as too needy and dependent, and these people don’t want to deal with that neediness.

You know why you are needy. You’ve sustained a terrible loss with the death of your dad; one that knocks many people on their ass no matter how old they are. People react differently to grief situations. Some people wallow in it, while others push it away and try to contain it and separate themselves from it (to describe the extremes of how people typically cope). I’m guessing that you lean towards the wallow side of the spectrum, while your "Type A" sister is more of a container and a distancer. These are style differences that occur because of how different people feel comfortable or not with feeling extreme emotions. Some people cannot tolerate them (at least when the tone of the emotion is hopelessness such as is the case with regard to grief). Other people are good with feeling them, not because they feel good, but because they feel meaningful. What may be happening here is that people are pushing you away, not because you are leaning on them too much, but because their own tolerance for discussing the emotional things on your mind is far less than your own. That is a positive but reasonable way to look at the situation. Another which is also reasonable but less positive is that you may actually be failing to respect reciprocity expectation and monopolizing conversations with these people, and they are rejecting you because you are actually coming across as too demanding or intense in comparison with the average person. I don’t know which characterization is more accurate, and both might be true at the same time, too.

I think it reasonable that you examine your interactions with people, specifically looking for how well you balance the topics you want to talk about with the topics that your partners want to talk about, and also whether there is a conflict between the level of emotional depth you want to talk about vs. the level of emotional depth that your partners want to talk about. If interactions seem one-sided or not balanced, then this rejection you’re facing may be a socially reasonable response, but you have the ability to alter your behavior to balance things out better, and that will make rejection less likely to occur in the future. If your interactions balance out more or less, then what you may be looking at is a particular set of people whose emotional coping style and comfort level is simply incompatible with your own, and these people will not likely make good friends for you anyway. In this case, you’ll want to seek out other people who are more on the "wallow" side of things as friends as they will better understand where you are coming from.

People sometimes resist the idea that they should censor what they share with the people around them, because, they think there isn’t anything wrong with "speaking honestly about things the way they are". This sort of attitude doesn’t get people very far, however, because the social reality is that people who are not selective about who they share emotional and personal information with can alienate others by not being sensitive to those other people’s needs, or lack of interest. Since you are a thoughtful person as well as a grieving person, I don’t think that this is probably what is happening, but it is worth thinking about and adjusting how you are coming across if it is the case.

You will never please everyone around you. Instead, what is reasonable to shoot for is to find people with whom you are compatible and focus your attention there, being careful to attend to the needs of those you become friendly with so as not to overload them at any given moment. When other people inevitably reject you from time to time for reasons that are more about their own needs than your behavior, then understanding what is happening can help you not take it too personally.

Depression is more than simply feeling unhappy or fed up for a few days.

We all go through spells of feeling down, but when you're depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days.

Some people still think that depression is trivial and not a genuine health condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with real symptoms, and it's not a sign of weakness or something you can "snap out of" by "pulling yourself together".

The good news is that with the right treatment and support, most people can make a full recovery.

How to tell if you have depression

Depression affects people in different ways and can cause a wide variety of symptoms.

They range from lasting feelings of sadness and hopelessness, to losing interest in the things you used to enjoy and feeling very tearful. Many people with depression also have symptoms of anxiety.

There can be physical symptoms too, such as feeling constantly tired, sleeping badly, having no appetite or sex drive, and complaining of various aches and pains.

The severity of the symptoms can vary. At its mildest, you may simply feel persistently low in spirit (read about low mood), while at its most severe depression can make you feel suicidal and that life is no longer worth living.

TEN FUNDAMENTAL TRUTHS ABOUT PTSD:  

Fundamental Truth #1:  PTSD, like diabetes, cancer and heart disease, affects millions of people.   PTSD is often perceived as a condition experienced by male combat soldiers.  In truth, it is NOT confined to males, to the combat experience, or even to soldiers.  Some research indicates that up to 50% of the American population  have sustained at least one traumatic experience in their life, and up to 20% of the population at large may experience symptoms of traumatic stress and/or PTSD.  Of these, the single largest affected population is female… predominantly victims of rape and sexual assault (which affects approximately one out of every 2.5 females in this country).  Other sufferers include victims of crime, natural disasters, domestic violence, physical and verbal abuse, traumatic accidents, vehicle crashes, burns, and a host of other life-threatening incidents.  Life-threatening illnesses, or medical conditions which subject an individual to a loss of function and a state of helplessness or loss of control, may also initiate PTSD.   The illness affects not only adults, but millions of emotionally, sexually and physically abused children each year.  Current estimates for service members vary widely, and place the incidence of PTSD among warriors at between 20-50%, depending upon the type of unit and service one is engaged in, and type of traumatic exposure.  

Fundamental truth #2: PTSD Does Not Make You Crazy.   If PTSD affects that many people, from such a broad range of backgrounds, one may well say to oneself, "They can't all be crazy."  And you would be right.  PTSD is a disorder of anxiety.  It is NOT a personality disorder, or a psychotic disorder.  Not only does PTSDnot make you crazy, it does not make you "irrational", nor does it destroy your underlying competence as a human being.  Something that often makes people feel "crazy" occurs when their PTSD appears to come out of "nowhere."  This "coming out of nowhere" may be the way the illness FEELS, but it is not actually the way the illness WORKS.  PTSD always comes from SOMEWHERE.  However, the triggering or initiating event may occur months or even years before symptoms occur.  As a result, the person doesn't make the connection between a past traumatic event and the onset of their illness.  Not recogizing its cause, it may feel as though it came from "nowhere", when that is not actually true.  It is NOT true that PTSD must develop within 3 months of an event, and that if it does not then it will not develop at all.  That is a serious misunderstanding that many people hear and mistakenly believe. 

Fundamental truth #3:  PTSD Is A Real, Medical Disorder That Has A Biological Basis.  It is true that, to some extent, our society has gone too far in its efforts to assign a biological cause for everything that ails mankind.  In the case of PTSD, however, exactly the opposite happened.  The biological was ignored. The mental health professionals who first evolved a clinical "definition" of PTSD (known as "diagnostic criteria") came out of a very long tradition dating back to the 19th century, in which all mental disorders were described, and defined, solely in terms of behaviors which were observed.  At the time that the definition of PTSD was created, the scientific and medical knowledge of its underlying physical cause was not available in the form it is today.  As a result, the old "behavioral" definition persisted and was not corrected.  As a result, millions of PTSD sufferers have had to live with shame about their "bad behavior", and never knew that, IN FACT,  they actually have a bona fide medical illness.   PTSD is not just "in their heads", nor it is solely in their behavior.  PTSD has a biological root, which leads to secondary behavioral side effects.

Fundamental truth #4:  PTSD May Be Thought Of As Post Traumatic Survival Disorder:  The underlying biological roots of PTSD are found in a complex system of stress reactions that are not only innate to all human beings (as well as many animals), but that are designed to protect a person's capacity to survive.  This is the way nature intends to protect us, and is not cause for shame.  Ordinarily, nature's method for coping with extreme or threatening stressors simply does its job, and we return to a normalized, balanced state, called homeostasis.  If, however, the threat is too severe, or continues to recur, there is no opportunity for the body to return to the balance point.  Instead, the human being may become "stuck" in  "survival mode".  The brain becomes so accustomed to the presence of a traumatic threat or stressor, that the survival response becomes habituated in the brain and central nervous system.  The person cannot "downshift" out of survival mode, the perception of extreme danger becomes a chronic habit,  and the PTSD sufferer continues to live as though danger were ever-present even when it has long passed.

Fundamental truth #5: Not All Survivors Of Traumatic Experience Develop PTSD. It is true that many people survive traumas without suffering from PTSD.  Some of the factors that account for this are: (l) how soon they are rescued and brought to proper care and safety, (2) how quickly they are restored to a position of control in life, (3) how well connected they are to safe and supportive relationships, (4) how much they are in touch with their own inner spiritual existence and the meaning of their life, (5) how much opportunity their brains and bodies have to "rest and recoup" before being re-exposed to another traumatic event, (6) how developmentally complete is their early life upbringing, and (7) how much self confidence they have regarding their ability to manage and cope with life challenges, even though they cannot entirely control them.

Please see this website for the conclusion to this article, containing Fundamental Truths #6-10 about PTSD, and read about this topic in "I Always Sit With My Back To The Wall".

Symptoms of anxiety

Anxiety can have both psychological and physical symptoms. Psychological symptoms can include:

• feeling worried or uneasy a lot of the time
• having difficulty sleeping, which makes you feel tired
• not being able to concentrate
• being irritable
• being extra alert
• feeling on edge or not being able to relax
• needing frequent reassurance from other people
• feeling tearful

When you’re feeling anxious or stressed, your body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. These cause the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as an increased heart rate and increased sweating.

Physical symptoms can include:

• a pounding heartbeat
• breathing faster
• palpitations (an irregular heartbeat)
• feeling sick
• chest pains
• headaches
• sweating
• loss of appetite
• feeling faint
• needing the toilet more frequently
• "butterflies" in your tummy

How to Tell Your Nervous Thoughts Are Out of Control

What makes anxiety frustrating at first is that many people do not know they have it. Their nervous thoughts feel completely normal. When someone develops anxiety, they may notice that they find more and more things to inspire feelings of nervousness. Yet to them, these are genuinely anxiety-producing stimuli.

Usually physical symptoms are the first sign that you have developed an anxiety disorder. When your nervousness tends to cause:

• Rapid heartbeat
• Severe muscle tension
• Weakness
• Nausea or feelings of illness

These are often a sign that your anxiety is getting worse. Furthermore, those with anxiety often have thoughts that cascade to worst case scenarios. They cannot control a nervous thought themselves, and may even have flashes of worst-case-scenario thinking that no one can talk them out of.

It's this unprompted, potentially out of control nervousness that indicates something is wrong with your coping ability. If this nervousness is paired with physical anxiety symptoms, it is an even greater indicator that you may be suffering from a very real anxiety problem.

How to Cure Anxiety Nausea

In the case of nausea from anxiety, the nausea itself isn't dangerous and unlikely to be indicative of a health problem. Instead, to control your nausea, you need to control your anxiety. Chances are your body is experiencing a great deal of stress from your daily, persistent anxiety.

Several strategies for fighting anxiety include:

• Jogging Jogging is a powerful tool for fighting anxiety. It tires your muscles, which relax the amount of stress that your muscles put on digestion, and it releases endorphins: "feel good" neurotransmitters that improve mood. It also regulates hormones and depletes adrenaline, which can help control anxiety.
• Herbal Supplements You cannot and should not take any medication without a doctor's supervision. Herbal supplements provide a natural alternative to many prescription medications, and may be free of side effects. For adults, Valerian root, Passionflower, and Kava may be effective. For children or pregnant women, it's best to talk with a doctor/nutritionist.
• Deep Breathing Deep breathing is one of several stress reduction techniques that are effective for controlling current stress. Deep breathing involves taking slow, controlled breaths in order to get your heart and mind under control. One method is to sit in a chair and breathe in slowly through your nose for 5 seconds (filling your stomach first), holding for 4 seconds, and then breathing out through pursed lips slowly (7 seconds is ideal). Repeat 10 times. Other relaxation techniques include progressive muscle relaxation and visualization.
• Light and Healthy Eating Your nutrition doesn't necessarily effect your anxiety nausea. But it can affect the severity of the nausea. Heavy, fattening, unhealthy meals tend to lead to more nausea than healthy meals. However, make sure you eat. An empty stomach can lead to more nausea than a full stomach when you suffer from anxiety.
• Drink Water Like healthy eating, water can help keep your body nourished without any ingredients that exacerbate your upset stomach. In addition, it's not uncommon for dehydration to lead to more anxiety, so drinking water can actually be its own anxiety treatment.
• OTC Medicines Tums, peppermint, and Pepto-Bismol may also provide temporary relief for anxiety related nausea. They can be used for nausea that occurs on rare occasion, but should not be used by those that experience regular, persistent nausea from anxiety.

These are all quick strategies to reduce anxiety nausea. However, fighting anxiety is a long term issue. If you experience a great deal of anxiety at home, at work, at school, or in social situations, then you need to learn effective solutions for controlling that anxiety. Once your anxiety is controlled, the nausea will decrease.

A Natural Part of the Fight and Flight System

Anxiety is a natural response, and in small doses it's actually healthy. Some of the symptoms of anxiety - including nausea - are designed to tell your brain that there is something dangerous or new, so that you make a smart decision with your next action. Your brain releases the neurotransmitter serotonin, and your stomach has receptors for serotonin that cause your stomach to know that you're facing a distressing situation.

The problem only occurs when you are suffering from regular stress and anxiety. Then your anxiety nausea can disrupt your ability to perform at school, work, and in your personal life

3 Days of Anxiety

The day before the Adrenaline! a fuzzy feeling from head to toe, this has been here before? last week maybe, avoiding stress is like avoiding air! sitting in my room watching NetFlix but i find my self focusing on a part of the TV screen while the film plays in the background.
i notice a lot of fuss going on inside playing up shouting like a spoil'ed child in a toy store, trying to get his own way.
trying distractions but its just a motive that I'm trying to work on, to make sense to get me out the mess that is about to unravel. a cold shiver is starting to settle in all over my body, i turn to the heater and face it towards me but it's only warming the outside.
6pm starting to pace around my room with out me even realising I'm doing. my stomach starts to churn with butterfly's that are picking up speed as it spirals, i run to my medication, i hate taking these, starting to understand that its addiction, help has shrunk from them no relief, agitation is building up some and I'm about to loose it.

i fall over because I'm not concentrating on normal body function, stuck inside my mind.
Trying to get relaxed but the more i try the more adrenaline is taking over, shaking through my hands finding it hard to swallow, i reach for a cigarette even though i just put one out, i take more tablets trying to get them to knock me out but my anxiety is over powering them.
Trying to cry but its not coming out, my lump in my throat is getting bigger, time to try and sleep.

Day -2
I wake up in panic, shaking even worse than yesterday, thinking to my self this shall pass, but then i think it will last, beating my self up inside, hate against my self but i shouldn't.
no food today, i will just stick with water, antacids i get back in bed, thinking how much i hate my self and what my self is doing to Me! the TV is playing in the background while the quilt is over my whole body hiding from the world, ticking from my clock is relief as i know every tick is closer to this passing.
my partner trys to comfort me but i push her away, i fear i am not good enough for her.
i need a way out of this NOW!
Time is getting late, 9.50 pm. My day has consisted of nothing again, apart from aggro from my body
putting me through crap, or is it me putting me through crap? maybe my brain is just broke. Time to get some sleep, Boy I'm hungry, i reach for the box of antacids again, acid is burning me inside

Day-3
Waking up with a feeling of rage! its still here! getting my box of tablets taking an extra dosage.
my head is hurting like i am dehydrated, body is in pain and my chest hurts.
i talk to my heart and apologise to it, it feels like its going to give out.
My eyes are throbbing, my hands are sweating a cold chill, i get up while shaking, walking to the bathroom, i turn on the shower, my 2 kids and partner are fast a sleep, even my 2 dogs are looking relaxed, the feeling of joy that they all don't go through what I'm dealing with inside gives me a sense of relief. i take my time in the shower while holding my head, the steam opening my lungs.
i ponder on how much i feel like crap inside and out.
A voice i can hear inside that is telling me to give up, is that me saying that?
i get out the shower and dry my self, fresh clothes and fresh socks, i sit on the edge of the bed while lighting up another smoke, turn on my ps4 just looking at the screen, i see all the people i know on there playing games and doing live streams, i get invites but i ignore them. i lie back down and try to cry, my adrenaline is driving me crazy.
waiting for the hours to fly by but the only thing that is flying by is the bumblebees outside of my window. I look in the mirror and see all the weight that is coming off of me, my energy levels are making me sleepy, i need food but i can't eat, lets go back to sleep, sleep forever is all i have in mind at the time of chronic Anxiety.

Panic Attacks? Freaking out? Watch This Short Video and Calm Down

My introduction video, motivational speaker, face book to over 15000, pleased to meet you :)

My View on mental health

I think it is very upsetting that only the sufferers truly know, like as in a doctor, we go and see them and they read from a symptoms book, we get pushed tablets even though they don't diagnose.
help centers are slim around the world, some have no help?
but the government pile money in unnecessary pointless things
my point to one in the TV broadcasting industry i quote; why is there so many adverts about things that hurt us, like we have no money for, that brain washes us to aim for, that makes us loose our selves just to get? he gave me an answer? its money! they can't make money from mental illness so you will never see it as an "advert, well this saddens me as to why should we be classed as an item that

A man with Bi-pola

A man with Bi-pola, on any day given a split between angry, sad and unhinged but with his kind side that cares dearly, is ruined with the transition of  both sides swapping when it pleases.

the stress that whirls round on the outside effects us in ways not many understand, a silly conversation that hits the nerve, its hits the spot; That triggers Mr Bi-pola.
A burning feeling from the chest to the gut that manifests in our minds, frustration building, running a mock finding its way to our anger zone, blood boils in ways that a normal person cannot imagine.
A feeling of fear of what we may do, what Bi-pola will cause.

People judging our actions that we cannot control, a fear of a judge burning at our soul.
We wake up with out a choice, a choice of who we will be on that day that arise,
crying rivers but crying anger, a scared feeling of what we are after, with out control with out a choice, we try to manage us from that activation, just like a switch, a sense of humour that a "normal" person does simply not understand.

Some times we hide, hide from life and we try most of all to hide from our true selves, a transition that makes us overwhelmed. A task that is huge, a task that is great, a feeling like we take on the world. faces that look in the wrong way stays in our minds, a stress from another makes us blind, blind from the fact that the stress is there's , we struggle to understand that its not ours, we take on board everything that is said while taking parts out and placing them in our head, they don't understand what we may be, what we shall be on any given day. i maybe calm and show love, those days we all love.

our belongings are slim, with a slim chance that they may never be, we want whats best, but Bi-pola doesn't, it takes away our pride and takes away our belongings, we smash them and throw them, we sit and we cry, but the simplest understanding to leave us be is never near by, the interaction while facing transition is a combination of nasty language and manic actions, we think why not leave me be, leave me be so i can change, just like the weather we can go ether way, we fear our minds on that given day.

So on this day just leave me be, so i can find the door to me, me as in me that cares and loves, loves deeply and impossible to be carefree.

A man with Bi-pola.

The repetitive words of a sad mind

We get Tired of our minds, a mind that is burnt out, like an engine that's done too many miles

We tend to repeat this a lot, we say it over and over some times daily, sadly we tend to say it too much

a habit forms from the cluster of different ways of putting "I'm tired,

some fall and sadly lose to a manic world of illness.

This is because there isn't enough help out there for people like me or millions of other silent sufferers

Please make a difference, if you see some one in the street having a panic attack?, help them

if you see someone who has lost there way?, help them home.

ways of understanding one with mental illness is to research.

we get lost quite a lot, behind closed doors, unseen because we fear going out.

the fear of us not fitting in is at the front of our minds

unsettling thoughts that are stronger than a tree

if you see me or any other being, ask us if we are OK

it maybe a silent answer by giving a look

but we are there with the pain we carry

we search for answers we search for relief, but sometimes we miss the point as we are lost;

lost inside, trapped by bars

a mental prison is our home

just like a house is yours 

Frustration of the mind and body

Why have i got this room in my head, a room just for me, a system put together to frustrate me; seeing no other around, me being alone, no TV no Internet no life, just a room, empty.

pictures hanging on the wall, scared to look, fearing they are my bad memories, i sit in the center with my eyes closed but a voice torments, its good at its game. having no clue how to put a plan together my self to over come, no door no escape. The voice feels like there is a million speakers mounted around the room amplifying the sound of torment, my body is full of adrenaline like I'm in fight mode but there is no one to fight, heart is tired of beating a battle, a puppet on a string getting controlled, my nervous system is about to explode from the over working of frustration.

is it a new day? i don't know as there isn't any windows. Why isn't there anyone there to help, to say the right words to save me, to make me listen. that voice torments me with the words bad news, bad news has latched onto a fear i cannot control, a wall a 1000miles high surrounding me, feels like they are getting taller. looking for a ladder or a rope to climb out, i evaluate the 1000 mile wall? i have no strength to climb, my mind doubting every thought, sitting there waiting for the comedown but the voice is over powering me.

like a car stuck in the mud waiting for a tow truck to come and rescue? but there isn't anyone coming, no one there. feels like the universe is on me, around me.where am i going? am i moving? walking?
it was just a dream that wasnt real, I'm still here full of frustration, i fight back! back at the voice that torments me, screaming with saliva flinging across the room from my mouth, veins popping out all over my head, am i the monster? mind doubts me again, is that a good thing that it is doubting that thought? well i start to evaluate? its him! that voice that is all around me! crazy? i don't know? surrounded by crazy frustration, tempers high! i go to move but i get pulled back? i look at my wrists and see chains, i see hand cuffs; i pull the chains and see there attached to the walls, a branch formation. a thought follows by a surge that travels down the chains, sort of like a neurotransmitter in the brain,

the darkness grows while lights flash, the flash reveals faces, i try to see who they are but i can't see them long enough to recognise, coming at me, scared full of fear, my body is sweating, shaking with my chest pressing down on me, i feel like i am dying, but nothing follows, no action from the fear.

This Frustration Is never going to end........

Why is my head so crazy all the time?

Years of crazy thoughts, a rubbish bin full of pointless images that get sent from somewhere in side my brain, I wonder if there is a little guy in there throwing them like a frisbee so i catch them. 

i sit and wonder where they manifest from what part on my brain do they come from. I wonder if there is some sort of sequence that gets puts in place for them to actually start in the first place...all systems check? Huston we are go for launch, Then boom we have lift off.

a machine gun firing out hitting the inside of my forehead, Bouncing around in the front of my head until i finally catch them.

i sit and think if i can shrink my self to go in my mind maybe i can meet this little guy face to face, But then i laugh and think?... This is another stupid thought, Another silly idea that has probably came from this little guy in the first place.

i shut my eyes and see many faces, but the faces are distorted blobs of silhouettes floating by, but who are they? Are they images of my thoughts?

yes they are! they are faces that represent my memories, some are mean faces, some are scary faces, But then i think where are all the happy faces? Maybe this little guy has captured them and rounded them up in a corner somewhere?

i sit in the center of a dark room, How did i get here? i see faces coming from out of the walls and they laugh, Pointing there fingers, while holding my head in between my legs curled up in a ball. I had no thoughts and no actions, how on earth did i get here and where the hell am i, I notice in the corner a voice, a very quiet voice asking me to get up, asking me to come on over, i couldn't as the fear was high, i kind of froze in the same spot, but how long have i been here? i cannot say as time was non existent.

Maybe this isn't reality? maybe this is me in my mind? I turned to the voice in the corner and crawled across the soft wet floor, a hand reached out to me, the hand and the roughness of the skin was familiar but i couldn't work it out where i have seen it?

I reached out with my hand and noticed it was the same as mine? shocked! 

i realized this was me, Some how i gained the strength to rescue my self. i took the chance,

i landed in a land of reality, A field of grass that i sunk into i felt safe.

I picked my self up while my tears fell, but there was nothing, nothing around me and that hand that pulled me out of that dark place had gone?

i got given the chance to be me again to start over, like a clean slate, a fresh start.

but why am i so empty? questioning everything searching for an answer, but there wasn't any there, i heard a voice from inside that was getting quieter and quieter, the voice shouted i will return i will be back?

I sat back down and cried some more, but it was relief as that voice that was getting quieter was that little guy who was dying inside of me. 

he let me be, he let me breath, he let me see, see me lying on the ground so i guess this is me, to start a fresh that i always wanted. Now i can be me!

A Day With My Mind,

Today is a good day, i watched the sun rise while the due from the valleys rolled by, birds sang there songs that echoed off the walls, i pondered why my mind is the way it is, why do i think these thoughts; wondering why and where they come from, sitting on the waters edge noticing how flat the water was,it reminded me of a giant mirror just waiting to be broke, i picket up a pebble and felt its texture and thought this pebble is pretty rough, kinda like me on the outside, rough face rough skin but on the inside it was contained, contained and its contents was sealed, why is my mind like that? i threw the pebble in to the unbroken water. a splash that made a sound that was quite similar to the destruction that explodes inside, ripples stretched as far as the waters edge, but they came right back? and they met with the splash that i caused and bounced back, i thought is it me that is causing me to be like this? comparing me with the pebble i threw in, the actions that followed and the calm that ended it, The sun is getting pretty high above the mountain i could feel the heat, i felt parts of my body starting to warm up, the comfort from that was calming, i went quiet inside, i felt like i had been missing the point of my illness and yes it came clear, while i stretched my arms out to release the tension of my thoughts, I felt relief, but why does it only last so long why does this good feeling have to end.

i got up trying to force my stiff legs and numb bum to walk with me to carry me along my journey that i just started, looking back where i left off, 

should i be scared should i feel fear? well that is something i have to go with, believe in my self and have faith in this whole amazement that we are surrounded in.

I stopped walking for a second, a tear rolled down my cheek and hit the floor, it quickly absorbed into the earth that i walk on, i took a deep breath and held it in, my lungs hurt and my heart slowed but thumped along with my tears that was falling to my feet. 

I felt a feeling that i never felt before, along side the anxiety and the manic world of my mind, it was there but i couldn't hold on to it, i started walking further i walked a little more, who am i? am i a guy that is crazy loosing his mind, loosing in life.

Feeling like an out cast feeling the odd one out. 

all is well on the outside but the pain is with in, the pain is deep and is boiling over like you would see a volcano loose its top, after years of containment it blows and the destruction is clear for every one to see, do we try and stop it? No! we let it be and with out a fight it slowly calms it slowly ends. 

My eyes look on to a tree i see out in the distance, all alone with out another friend as a tree, well this is me, i try hold on to a friend i need but to much, i rely on a friend to see, to see the pain that doesn't let me be, The thoughts inside are loud but no one else can here no one else can see. 

so please god as i put my hands together begging for you to just see, see that i need help that will allow this manic to just leave me be.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOS8lRQcedkSwzuGwk26X5Q

Well where shall i start? at the bottom or at the top? 
i will start out to say....Did you know half of the world population suffers with some sort of mental illness? well sadly it is very true as i am one of them,
i suffer from ocd ptsd anxiety bi-pola and depression, i have done for over 20 years, finding answers is what i found my self doing on a daily basis. and till now i didn't find the cure i didn't find the answers that i was looking for. 
it was countless visits to the doctors, once weekly and each time i went i saw a different doctor each time i cried out telling the same story, Well i got tired of this and it only made ME worse. 
i sat at home looking out the window watching the seasons go by year after year self loathing in my own thoughts getting consumed in a state of madness
who am i? what am i? i saw my self going there every time.
the fear that run high inside me was taking me to a place i have never been, never felt and never touched, looking in the mirror and saw looking back at me was an empty sole,
my illness had taken me away from my self. 
I wondered how i will get through this big ordeal, the fright and temptation to end it all was high and i could not get any closer
i sat and cried sat and held my head trying to comfort the pain inside, but i new i had hit rock bottom and i relies'd that i could only go up, go to that dream i had to be "normal" as this is all i wanted to be. i never saw this as a gift? i never saw or thought i had knowledge to pass on to others, i never new that it would help. My words couldn't get out and louder but to who, this is why i turned to the internet, to the people as the people are the power and the voice of many that could help me get my message out and help me stop the stigma of all the pain suffered by many. Now its time to heal, now its time to make a difference.